Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Years Eve

Wow 2010! Turn of the century! Lets hope for good to come. I can't believe im graduating in such a year. 2010 is just so amazing.  The first decade of 2000 and 2100!!!! I am thankful for all the great people that have seemed to appear into my life in 2009. I am greatful and thankful. I love them all. I changed into a completely different person. Thank you God!!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

a little something

theres a person i always look for first when i take a step into china town
theres a person i always look for first when i have a dream
maybe i just realized something
i was never over it.

Priceless day

So i went shopping with my mom and little sister today. My mom got a pair of jeans, and I got a Tommy Hilfiger Plaid shirt and a International Concepts sweather. The sweather is outrageous, hopefully I wear it well.
I seriously love Macys Men Section. Anywho, while I was waiitng for my mom to try on jeans; I took out my sketchbook and sketched some dresses and Vneck tops I saw that inspired me. While I was doing so, 2 little girls came up to me and kept watching me draw. They were both sisters and were 4 and 5. They liked my dress!
It was interesting, I even let them draw as well.

Shopping can be exhausting, so me and my mom and sister went to a Vietnamese restuarant to eat. There was a table full of asian kids. I looked over and saw a girl named Tiffany! She is in 6th grade and I was her teacher asssistant during the summer of 2007. She grew so much and she got alot skinnier. I really was surprised at how much older she got and it just reminded me of how old I am. Time goes by quick

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

so what do i name this blog entry?

Past few days have gone by like a blur.
Hours spent drawing and sketching models, i have trouble fleshing them out and drawing the face. Hopefully i got better. My friend finally came over to fix my computer and we played poker all night long. Intense stuff.
I spent like 4 hours on the phone with my friend till 3 am. I feel like I'm hungover for some reason :D
But i loved it.

Im off to draw and take care of my sister for the day!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Thanks Mommy

So I went shopping with my mommy today. Good thing about shoppen with mommy? She buys things for me! Yeah so basically it was so crowded so we never really got to check out all the stores. I didnt feel well enough to go to Macys and other crowded stores and pick out clothes and try stuff on. The amount of people was insane. So my mom got me a nice puma messenger bag, I was looking for a light bag to carry my school stuff. Which only consist of a binder. Its a nice bag I'll be using for a while and probably as a laptop bag later!

I realized I should have applied to fashion insitute of technology. I always had been interested in fashion design and i had some drawings of my own io could have submitted for a portfolio. Lately I've been learning how to sew, learning about fabrics and designing things. Hopefully I may transfer in my sophomore year!

Well im off!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!! Man I love Christmas. Its a day where all my family members reunite and have a feast together. Whats better than family and good food? Today also makes me think of all the good things I had this year and all the things I am thankfull for. My parents, my friends and more. There are some people this Christmas who don't have families to spend the day with, and I pray they all have a good Christmas.

I hope everyone enjoys there day! I'm off to watch the NBA triple header on tv :)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Happy Christmas Eve

Its Christmas Eve! After a dramatic day, I decided to just stay home and relax. The book I ordered from Barnes and Nobles "Great Expectations" By Charles Dickens arrived so I'll just stay home and read it!

Anyone who hasn't checked out Itunes university on itunes should definitely do so. It's a program where a lot of universities upload entire courses online for free. Currently Im watching all the Philosophy courses. Theres also introduction courses as well for anyone who is interested

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The most intense experience ever.

Today was something I would never do again. The intensity I experienced was something I never experienced in my 17 years of life. Know I know why people steal and commit crimes, it is the adrenaline. Did i do something bad today? I don't think so... it was risky yes. But sinful? I doubt it. Maybe my view of sin is twisted?

 Me and some good friends went to IMAX to see Avatar. Me and my friend were late and noticed we were short of money. My other friends bought tickets for 16.50! But... there was a big black guy with glasses who was selling 'tickets' for 5 dollars. I know.. I know.. too good to be true? Well me and my friend got intrigued. At first I was reluctant so the man told us that he could get us in and he got people in the movies a lot of times. My friend decided to go with him and he showed my friend a secret alleyway and entrance into the theaters. We were afraid our friend would get robbed and killed. Good thing he came back to us 10 minutes later and told us he was legit.

So we went to eat mcdonalds and me and my friend went back to the guy. There was 3 other kids with him who were also intrigued with his deal. He brought us to a entrance that is usually locked. We were told to wait a minute or two to seem casual. Then we entered the entrance and came upon a narrow alley way. We walked silently and passed many doors. My heart was pounding the whole time and I was fearful of being caught. I stayed in the back and it was a good thing because if anything happened- I was first to run! My responsibility was also to close the doors behind us quietly. When we passed 2-3 entrances the black man all of a sudden stopped. We heard a small chatter close to the next door. We all froze. Then a clanging of keys and sounds of the next door unlocking. I saw each and every one of ours eyes widen with fear, and we would all have been paralyzed in fear but the black man yelled to us "Go get out". I sprinted for my life, wearing converses, I sprinted with all my might. There are no words to explain my emotions. The fear, the intense rush of adrenlaline which was intensified by the sound of the door opening and a security guard yelling out "GET BACK HERE". The andrelaline was so intense and it felt like If i get caught I would die. I was risking my clean record, I was risking of shaming my parents, I was risking everything! Not smart a year before college. Everyone ran out of the building and scattered on to the streets of time square. It was like the scene of a bank robbery in the movies or a action movie where the characters are running in the streets and pushing random people. Me and my friend both went casually into Models right after to blend in. My heart was still pounding. We stopped and laughed and just looked at each other. So this is the thrill of intense adrenlaline. It was the feeling of bank robbers, thieves, playing the last minutes of a sports event, sky diving, it was what andrelaline junkies craved for. It felt addicting and a part of me yelled' LETS DO IT AGAIN'

My friend is nuts. He wanted to get back in but the door was locked. He looked for ways to get back in but couldnt. We were going to go home until we found the man on the streets again. He was smoking a ciggerate and probably a little befuddled by the earlier incident. He told us it never happened before and that he has to rig all the entrances again now that the inside people were on to his plan. He told us he could get us in another way. I wanted to leave but he told us to trust him. I wasn't thinking and said 'Fine what the hell'  A part of me trusted him, and he kept telling us 'I'll get you guys in' Because the theater was linked to many entrances and alleys and other stores, we went into a neighboring Dave and Busters. What we were about to do sounded insane to me. We waited next to a escalator that went down from the 3rd floor of the building where Dave and Busters is. The movie theaters were on the 3rd floor and above. Our plan was to wait for someone to come down, ask them if there were any guards up there and just rush up the down escalator. I was scared as hell. The black man told us "When I say run, YOU RUN! Don't fall behind and take my lead" He saw the nervousness in me and laughed and said "You seem nervous. Relax dont worry" So a white guy came down, he told us no one was up there and we all rushed up the staircase. But the movie was on the 6th floor. So we went through different emergency exits, corriders and alley ways to get there. We ran up stair cases (Thank god for brooklyn tech stair cases) and we ran alot of stairs! But I was use to it due to my 4 years at Tech :)
I was the guy at the back and I had to shut the doors quietly. However in my head was "Don't fall behind, the people who fall behind are always the ones to get caught" So I ran as fast as I could without making noise. I felt like I was in the movies, and getting caught meant death. We finally got on the 6th floor and it felt amazing. Inside of me, I felt proud for some reason. The intensity and the adrenaline was still in me and I felt as If I just climbed a mountain. We got to see Avatar in 3D with our friends. The movie was amazing and rich in metaphor and symbolism, and the graphics were beyond divine.Me and my friend also thanked the man for giving us the thrill of our lives. We had a lot of respect for him and what he did. He could get caught any day but he has the guts to do what he does. Flirting with danger and getting caught. We noticed he was very observant and intelligent and perhaps that is what makes him so successful in cheating the theater.

It was the thrill of my life. It felt like the movies but better. However I am never doing it again. To see a  movie and save some bucks. To risk a juvenile delinquency record? Not worth it. I should have gone home. But I saw a great movie, learned a lesson, and had a experience I will never forget. It was worth it in a sense.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

late night sadness

Talking to a friend who recently broke up with her boy friend...
it saddens me to hear about it. Not my business... I know I know but still..
One should move on after a break up right? Is that the best advice? To simply move on...
I think it is. For the sake of your own happiness and not to be saddened about the past. I think its the best for both. For those who break up the first time, yes it hards, very hard! To feel as if the other person was the only one who could make us happy. But as time passes, we learn quickly that this is not the case. Especially as younger people, we learn this real fast! However, I can't say the same for older couples or married couples who truly had something special, a divine love and connection that even death could not break. It is harder to move on when one has such a connection with another...

Damn, sometimes I wish we could all simply live happily ever after together...


I had a good tuesday :)
It kicked off well when I saw I had a 710 for my SAT 2 Literature exam. Thank god for ms.Lehrman :)
Its a decent grade and I am happy especially because I heard it was a tough test.

But most importantly I realized today how friends make your day so much better.
My friend gave me a cupcake today and it was delicious, havent had a cupcake in ages!
I had a fun time with my friends at the NHS meeting and taking the train together.
Talking about random things like samara's addiction to NX, ghettos, black people, hos and bitches, cheese doodles, ms.lehrman and a bunch of other stuff. Friends make your day so much better, friends are the people you can talk to and have a good laugh, friends are the ones you can relate to and have a good time.
Thank god for friends.

Now I'm off to do my english essay, which will be much easier because a friend of mine gave me her splendous essay :)

Oh I have some christmas cards to label and a book I have to wrap for a friend in my math class haha


Monday, December 21, 2009


So i decided to start a blog after a confusing day. I started blogs before but I would stop writing on them because I got lazy. However I decided to start again and hopefully I don't stop. A friend of mine told me to use blogger and so hopefully its better than blogspot :)

I shouldn't really be writing here, I should be writing my AP literature paper and doing my homework but sometimes I need some personal time to do what I enjoy or I'll simply explode.  But even when I do explode inside, I put on a smile and nobody knows... I think the fake smile is what truly kills me inside. The inability to express my true feelings. But I know I am not the only one. I believe other people, especially other guys bottle up their emotions inside of them. The reason is because of the idea that to be manly, one never shows their emotions. I think this is a horrible way to think because everyone should open up and free their emotions, but its harder said than done.

Christmas is coming up, and the break is coming in 2 days. I'm happy for the break and I'm glad for the rest. As a senior headed to college, theres still a lot I want to do before I graduate. Even though I'm happy for the break, its a sign that its almost a new year and I'm graduating soon.. The thought sort of scares me and makes me question myself. Am I making the best of my senior year? Theres still a lot of stuff I want to do. I don't really want to waste my time after school. This thought has been bothering me all weekend. Theres still a lot of stuff in school I haven't experienced. Theres some clubs in school that I wanted to join since freshmen year. There was a club I wanted to go to today but I couldn't due to my responsibilities as president of BTHSnews. Responsibilities... responsibilities... responsibilities... sometimes I wish I had none.

But sometimes I wish i had more. Sometimes I miss the internship I had before, when I was always on the go and I felt as if I had somewhere to go and something to do. But when I did have something to do, I also wished I didn't have anything to do. Its a strange thing... when we want something so badly, we crave it and we do anything for it. But once we get it, the fire dies inside of us and we no longer have the same feeling towards it.

Same for some lovers I assume? The fire is buring hot at the first site for the lovers but it wanes and dies over time.

While I think of the stuff I missed in school, and all the stuff I wanted to do, I realized that I was missing something in my own life.

I felt as if there was a hole in my life, a hole that needed to be filled.

But I don't know what it is, what is it I really need.

Maybe my friend Sydul answered it for me. Perhaps its religion?
I've been a atheist ever since I was little, it wasn't a choice anyone forced on to me, it was a personal choice I made after spending 6 years in Catholic school. I got sick of religion and reading it day after day. But perhaps this is a unreasonable reason to stop believing.

My friend Sydul today told me to consider Islam, but he wasn't trying to convert me, he was simply making me consider it. He told me to choose the right religion for me through a logical way. He didn't impose anything on me. But his reasoning for believing in religion was that he believed that the universe was started by the Big Bang and that the Big Bang originated from something. He believes what caused the Big Bang is God. He envisions our universe as sphere where God holds the spheres in His hands.How else is everything created? How can the environment for the Earth be so perfect for humans? It seems surreal that everything seem to go so perfectly for life on Earth. God must be the reason?

I don't know. I stopped believing in any form of gods or God a few years ago. I stopped asking about if there was a Heaven or Hell. But it is Human nature to wish or hope that there is a Heaven or even Hell after death. The question of life after death, be it a death from the Dualist view or physicalist view, has been a problem for philosophers and people for ages. But for those who believe in God, the answer is simple, Yes there is a life after death. It is something that those who believe in God do not have to worry about, but something we athiest do, it is something certain Philosophers have to worry about.

Maybe it is religion that is missing from my life? Or perhaps its something else.
Maybe its a sign from God that I need to believe before I am too late. Or is it just in my head?
Maybe its the torment of not knowing what happens that is killing me.
Is it the comfort I seek in religion and life after death that has called me back into questioning myself about religion again?

I wish I knew.