Monday, April 26, 2010

Rain and Mondays

Rainy Mondays tend to be horrible for most people. So i try my best to make every Monday the best possible day. It sort of sets a mood for the entire week.

I originally had plans to go to see Sweeney Todd with a few friends of mine but I got a call from CBW that today was the volunteer appreciation dinner. So i decided to ditch the play and get food first with Susmita and Rajib instead , the coolest people ever, and hang out. It's always nice to catch up with friends.

I got a chance to walk around lower east side in the rain with a friend and just talk, the rain is actually quite peaceful.

The dinner was nice, seeing all the old faces and new faces. Awards were given out and my good buddy Rafael got Volunteer of the year at CBW with a whopping 1400 hours. Including a pin from RIF and a gift card to Models. Eunice forgot to put in the card. Seeing myself a year ago, I wouldn't have believed I would be part of such an amazing literacy team. I remember when it was just a few of us reading to kids in the waiting room, trying our best to do a book fair or club with 4-5 people and chilling until the health center closed every time.
It was good times and I hope to continue it :)


I gotta feeling this is going to be a good week :)
No need for any drama, games, douchebags... just pure fun and chilling with friends.
Expect to see me wasted each day

its late

It's a quarter after one and i need you now!
i whipped out my harmonica, started playing some mellow tunes.
damn this ap english homework is getting to me.
i'll bring my little hotmetal harmonica to school sometime :)

the first song i ever played
my neighbors love it

Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Chinatown.

I woke up early today to roll down into China town. Yes, china town... canal street exactly.

I walked into Charles B.Wang Community health center, the place where I received my internship, to volunteer with the Literacy team's monthly book clubs.
I've been with the team for a year now and its been a great experience. I worked with children and toddlers, teaching them how to read, translating in between chinese and english. It is a very fulfilling experience. I met some great people and made great friends. Friends whom I haven't seen since january that i gotten to seen today. I think the last time I saw them was on my birthday. I am definitely going to help out more as my schedule is no longer as hectic. Tomorrow is volunteer appreciation day, which I think is later in the day...
I was able to catch up with everyone and walk my friend home, it was nice because i really havent caught up with anyone. I hope we all still keep in touch when we move on to college.

I passed the burnt down block near Grand St today, it was crazy to see the havoc that a fire can cause... it made me think about any lives that were lost and lives that were ruined... mother nature at it's worst...

Some things we don't talk about
better do without
just hold a smile
we're falling in and out of love
the same damn problem

together all the while
you can never say never
why we don't know when
time and time again

Taking action

It's been a while since I've written. Amidst school, friends, volunteering, rapping, writing I have been trying to stay sane. But schools almost over! Relief! but sadness.
Make new friends, and barely seeing old friends. Damn, I just realized I'm going to be 7 hours away. Well... 7 hours isn't much right? No it isn't. Just a ticket ride away from home. Just a call away from the city. All 300 miles...

I learned somethings today...
than i need to take action, i always like to believe i do... but sometimes i don't.
Sometimes i say i would, but i don't. Fear, nervousness and FEAR again gets in the way.

Fear of what? why is there even fear. I believed i feared nothing, after all my life experiences i thought i would fear nothing, i would think i have nothing to lose... but then i would think i realize i do.

The fear of loss. but loss is better than not knowing isn't it?

I've never asked God for guidance, i lost my faith in God long ago, when i was barely 13... i stopped believing. I started to live on my own and seeked guidance from barely anyone. But lately, ever so lately ive began to find Him again. But i know its all up to me

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

falling

I feel like I'm falling into a maniac state that people hate, a detrimental mind state and now I'm trying to contemplate, but my friend miriam tells me to wait. But edwin tells me its alright, don't be in such a fright, things are going to go your way tonight. What the hell do i believe? I don't know, i think its time to go.
move along, move along, like that freaking song. damn.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sunny, when i was younger

Me and Michael, sitting outside my old house
back in Jackson Heights when i was just 5
came here in 97
mama and papa were struggling
just to make a living
papa worked hard
worked two jobs
working from 9 to 5, 3 to 7
having no life, just struggling to be surviving
back then i didn't know about play
cause in those days
it was rough times
and no one lived a life like mine

it was a ham sandwich every day for lunch
but back then i was younger
and ate anything to sate my hunger
there wasn't much in this little town
but mama and papa helped me get out without a frown
helped me carry myself
and looking back now
I'm happy we got through it
cause it was crazy

Papa hit the jackpot in '05
the biggest thrill of my life
out of this place
rid of these days
escaped from devils
from the dreaded bible

goodbye Anna we loved ya
goodbye Peter we'll miss ya
goodbye Sunny you were my best buddy
but i gotta get out of this place unscathed
you know i would never leave ya, always will be with ya
but these times are different, and i got a life of mine, and i gotta lead it

but im back now
and looking around
things have changed
Anna and Peter, I see you your okay
living into the old age
Sunny you aren't who you use to be
the innocent boy that could see
all the things wrong
but i guess that's gone

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Carry this world


My little girl
tell me what its like to carry this world
to be alone
walking into to the streets unknown
girl aren't you scared about whats out there?
All the things that can happen, all the things forgotten
but I guess we have to
cause its the life we live through
Now pack the suitcase
We're gonna run out of this place
Cause mama and papas out the door
and they're never gonna be together anymore

Everything will just be right
little girl don't be in such a fright
we'll make it out alive
I'll do everything to make sure we survive
we'll have the life we wanted
not flaunted, by mama and papa's habit
I'll make sure of it

Little girl please don't cry
don't you see the fireflies
They're lighting up this world
Whirling, swirling, twirling
Please please
tell me your fine
and that this isn't the time

I'm on the speedway cruising at 95
thoughts racing, I'm praying
wondering if she'll be alive
please don't go yet little girl
there was so much to see in this world
you don't deserve this, they made us seem so worthless
I'm going crazy with the anxiety
that comes to me
I hear these voices in my head
giving me choices
dreams with her on her death bed
I can't take it, I'm out of the door
but every step I'm taking
I'm missing her more
I don't know what to do anymore
God give me an answer
get rid of this cancer
I turn around and I see her coming
running towards me
but its nothing more
than a vision
a breeze passing my feet
such a beautiful girl
but she'll never ever see the world
and now I'm sitting in my empty house
wondering how it happened
And asking
did I know what I was doing?